Sunday Musings

Evening all,

Been a difficult weekend for me having had to work yesterday morning well I say yesterday morning it was more like till 3 PM, before I headed out of town gig with my DJ boss. I had to do my normal work yesterday which meant - having to take calls - and in light of my recent issues with certain aspects of that - the day was without doubt the most stressful of my career there.

So, there are some decisions that need to be made.

Where do I go from here, because the state of play can't continue like this - there are options - and hopefully we can find one which which does not affect my financial situation - however if I have to take a small temporary hit - then that is something I have to do.

In relation to that, I had started to write my letter of resignation towards the back end of last week, however as a consequence - although I have not finalised any definitive decision - it seems the only sensible decision open to me to make.

As I've said previously the status quo is slowly killing me, and I generally do not know how much more of this I can deal with.

I think that moving away from the scenes of my abuse is the only outlet - I have left - but this means leaving everything here - this decision pleases no one - but life has given me a pretty fucking horrific hand. This is just a continuation of that.

As for the gig, it went alright - crowd was piss easy to play for - and temporarily it took my mind off the shitty things that I've had to deal with - however returning home to an empty house 1:30 in the morning did cause a few emotional issues.

Went up to mothers today - lied again - which in itself is doing my head in. But I know deep down - that's it's best for me and mum, that she does not know the torment that I'm currently in.

Due to be back at work tomorrow - oh what a delightful day it will be.

Magnificent.

B x