Fuuuucckkk!

One thing that really gets me at times is how I can be some despondent around other people who are so happy - its like that for me this morning - and no its not because the Redmen lost last night - its been the case for the last few days - and it is very frustrating for me to feel on the outside looking in at times like now.

 

It does feel at times that I'm cocooned in some depressive bubble surrounded by lots and lots of happy people - the depressive nature of this does mean that we are at times so quiet at work, that people forget I'm even there - which is probably how I like it.  

 

However, having this state of mind has had in the past - and continues to have its knock on effects - not hitting the level of performance in my day job is causing me to stagnate in my current job role - whilst newcomers seem to just fly by me with their sky-high confidence, verve and zeal - perhaps its my age in comparision to these newbies - but I just can't compete with them with me the way I am at the moment.

 

All I want to be at times is in my bed - surfing on my iPad - looking for new music - that's all.

 

At least that way I'm not hurting any one anymore, apart from myself.